Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
