6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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