I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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