theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
