It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
