Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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