She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
