I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
