i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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