Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
