Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
