who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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