Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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