Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
