Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
