i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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