What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
