He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
