There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
