for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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