the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
