Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
