There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
