My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
