We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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