The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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