I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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