i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
