If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
