I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
