shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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