To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
