the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
