I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
