so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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