I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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