Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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