No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
