8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
