Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
