...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize