did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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