First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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