Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize