sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
