So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
