so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
