the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
