I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
