i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
