Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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