I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dick very happy bro
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
