"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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