I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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