i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
