We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
