it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
