the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
