In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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