I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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