he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
