there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
