Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
