I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize