Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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